How to find your joy: starter's guide

Things are moving, my friends.This is a time of extreme enlightenment, and if you resist it, you will see your life begin to fall apart. I understand it is hard to change, trust me. Your core beliefs are being called into question and it is painful to look at those things you have held onto for so long and consider that age old question, "How is that working for you?" If we are really honest with ourselves, we have to consider that it is not working for us any longer. The manipulating, the lying, and the blaming of others for our unhappiness, anger, etc, is just not going to cut it any longer.

As I told a friend recently, "I have more reason than most to blame and accept the role as victim, and if I can let it go, anyone can." Not to come from a space of ego; instead, from a place of encouragement and love. Connecting with my joy and finding my twin flame in the last month, my cup is overflowing. BUT I first had to release the old shame and blame, and challenge what I really believed to be true. When you find yourself constantly having to "prove yourself," you are in the wrong place. The key to finding the flow, and your inner happiness, is to release that need to defend yourself and instead, find love and compassion, for YOU. 

I was in a destructive pattern of relationships which were more like one project after another. My last boyfriend was a genuine sociopath. Any of you who know me, know that I really tried to find compassion and love for him, but he abused this and used it to simply manipulate and defer his own issues onto me, time after time. This was not a healthy situation for me; yet, I accepted the blame and allowed myself to feel as if I was the problem. This echoes my relationship with my family and how, for many years, I accepted the role of "problem child," when I was only reacting to the various circumstances in which I was the helpless victim. As a child, yes, we are helpless unless an adult steps in to assist. I was a very lonely and angry child, and this led to adult behaviors which ultimately did not serve me and kept me in the role of victim. A few years ago, when I began my journey out of this trap, I had to go through some very heavy energy. At times the pain in my chest was crushing me. But I knew, innately, that it was part of the process out of this deep well of self loathing, in which I was unable to create anything positive for myself.  The path of forgiveness begins with forgiving yourself first. The rest will follow. I choose to release those who abused me, and thus, I am no longer connected to the negativity or anger that they hold for themselves. There is no exception to this rule. You MUST love yourself before you can create positive changes. 

The whole concept of choice generally centers around blame and anger. You hear things like, "You can CHOOSE to stop <fill in the blank>," but the common reaction is that you then start to beat yourself up for making the "wrong" choices. Instead, accept that you have made certain choices based on your individual circumstances. They key is owning your choices and recognizing when they are not serving you, so you can shift your pattern. It's never about punishing yourself, as that will also just keep you stuck. Self loathing is a very destructive and harmful pattern.  In the same vein, the overused phrase "you just have to love yourself," is filled with pretentiousness and arrogance. Sometimes, you have to see that you have hated yourself before you can really climb out of that pit. They key to self love is NEVER arrogance. Arrogance is false love, it is only about ego, and it will not last. Truly accepting yourself is not a loud production. It creeps up and sometimes comes out as anger when you start to set those healthy boundaries. People will often judge you and tell you that you are full of yourself, "where is THIS coming from?" in an effort to maintain their own paradigm of self loathing. To understand that we are all in this together, and those who oppose you now, will often be coming to you for guidance one day, helps to build compassion. 

The last piece of the puzzle is joy. You MUST connect with what makes you happy deep down inside. This is not something you find with others. This is something you can do with or without validation from the outside world. Connect with your joy and passions, and your life will never be colorless and meaningless again. You will always have it inside you, like a rechargeable battery, on endless solar power. 

Most of all, this whole process takes TIME. Stay out of self punishment and resist the urge to gossip and blame others. What you sow, is indeed what you will reap. All in good time, of course.  Choose LOVE and JOY.