Living Consciously

“Time is.... too slow for those who wait
Too swift for those who fear
Too long for those who grieve
Too short for those who rejoice
.....But for those who love, Time is not. ~Henry Van Dyke~”

I love the above poem, it has been one of my favorites since I was a very young girl. Before I ever heard of Eckhart Tolle, before I ever read The Four Agreements, my higher self knew the truth: enjoy each moment, for it is all you have. Appreciate what is right in front of you, and enjoy it as much as possible. I once heard Pema Chodron talk about being in the moment with brushing her teeth. How many things do we do in a day on autopilot? How many times have you driven home and not really remembered the trip? 

Recently, I realized that my self imposed dating hiatus has stretched from six months, to eight, and soon will be coming up on a year! I am a little impressed with myself, if I am honest. I mean, I used to be desperately afraid of being alone, and now, I feel pretty comfortable with it. I will always enjoy being with people, I AM an extrovert, but these days, I have found a happy balance. I recently met someone who I briefly considered for a possible partner, but it soon became obvious that we were just to be friends, and I am happy with that. I no longer need to sexualize all my experiences, because I understand my value is much more than that, and I value myself, as well as my friends, in ways that FAR transcend mere physical intimacy. I enjoy hugs, and conversations, in ways that I had never really allowed in the past, since I was so busy focusing on the sexual energy. 

The other amazing thing that has happened since I took my focus off dating, is that my creativity has exploded, resulting in new creative outlets, and a couple of new business ventures. I have been asked to teach meditation at a local school, and my Unicorn Alchemy business is booming! I was able to leave my job at the flower shop, and focus on what I love FULL TIME! Dating never helped me with any of that stuff, but I sure spent a TON of time and energy on it. Retrospection is an interesting tool. You can use it to punish yourself, or to validate yourself. Honestly, I struggle with it from time to time, but I like to think that most of the time, I use it for validation. 

I still have days where I feel sad, and allow myself to fantasize about having a partner who totally gets me and appreciates my value, but I don't get lost in those things any longer. I have amazing friends, a career that I am passionate about, and a healthy body which takes me places every day!