What are you distracting yourself from?
/“Relax. You will become an adult. You will figure out your career. You will find someone who loves you. You have a whole lifetime; time takes time.”
I saw this quote this morning and it gave me pause. I am 47 years old and I feel like I don't really have anything figured out, at least, not completely. I am exploring what I really want for the first time in my life, and I am finding that my truth has been hidden beneath a layer of what others wanted. I have been a perpetual people pleaser most of my life, especially when it comes to men. And, to ask myself the big question, "How is that working out for you?" my answer is a resounding "It has not, at all!" So, how to back out of a life that has been built around false truths and passions? THAT is the question I am asking myself lately. Many people have been angry with me, and I have come to realize that they are simply confused at my new persona. I am taking care of my needs first, imagine that!
Inherently, we form bonds with people who fit into our current paradigm. They are assigned roles in our little dramas and we all go around playing out those roles. We become angry with them when they play out the role we assigned them, so that we have someone to blame for our unrest and pain. I have begun to realize that NO ONE is to blame for my pain, except myself. Seriously, I know it sounds like a load of dirty hippie laundry, but it is actually very freeing to come into this realization. When I can take total responsibility for all my pain and unrest, I am free to change it. We are very powerful creators, and if you can create a bunch of drama and pain, what could you create by turning that around?
Eliminating distractions, one by one, I have noticed that these make up a huge part of my life. In closing up my home of ten years, I was appalled at the amount of useless junk I had accumulated. Some of it had never been used, other things had been completely forgotten and replaced with a newer model. Consumerism is based on instant gratification, and this is the ultimate distraction. How fast can you acquire something, whether it be a movie, a new electronic device, or an item of clothing? When you first hold that item in your hands, you feel a sense of "ahhhhhhhhh, something new" for about 15 seconds. Then, a week later, or sometimes even a day later, you absorb it into your other possessions, and you will soon begin to lust after some other new item. I have even felt this with groceries! Yea, I *may* have a problem......
I am really focused on allowing myself to feel whatever comes up, without distracting myself, and I have noticed a few changes already. My grocery bill has gone down, my Target trips are few and far between, and I am appreciating quiet time, natural beauty, and my relationships more than ever. I find myself craving adventures and experiences rather than possessions. I challenge you to do the same, for a week, only buy those things that you REALLY need, and allow yourself to feel whatever comes up without insulation or distraction. I would love to hear from you, let me know how it goes.
Blessings, Andrea
