Leaving the Past Behind

Dreaming again..... 

“I am sitting at a long table, made up of assorted people, some strangers, the rest are my family. I am sitting next to one of my brothers, and he is sitting mostly in silence, emanating sadness . From time to time he is asked to pass something to me, and does so without a word. My other brother and his wife are sitting across from me, emanating judgmental disapproval. I am aware of this energy, but also aware that it is not about me as much as it is about them. At the head of the table, my mother sits, directing all of this with ease. She is smiling and sweet, but beneath her exterior is a pain and unhappiness which belies all actions to the contrary. The brother who hates me (himself) the most, with his wife, are completely absent from this table. Suddenly, a woman I don’t know approaches the table and comes over to me, blissfully unaware of the dynamic present. She reaches out to me, and takes my hand, tears in her eyes. “Thank you so much for helping me when I needed it most. I am so grateful for your presence in the world.” I smile and hug her, telling her she is love and I am grateful that I was able to help her. As I return to my place at the table, I see my family looking at me with shock. They do not know me as this person, and they have always insisted that I play a certain role within their dynamic. I stand up and walk away, towards the crowd of people who are waiting for me. Happiness and Love emanates from all of them. They receive me with open arms, and I go with them, not even looking back.”

The meaning behind this dream is obvious, especially since I have recently broken ties with my family. They were never able to see me for who | really am, and they never will be able to, because of their own pain and wounds. | do not condemn them for this; rather, | feel compassion for them. They are stuck in a mindset which will never result in true happiness, and there is nothing I can do to help them. Over the years, I have tried and tried, only to be called a delusional liar. I have spoken my truth in love and been told that I am a troublemaker, and I need to be quiet. My soul has cried out for validation and gotten the opposite. I am focused on my life purpose now, and nothing, or no one, will stand in my way. I have gathered all my strength and passion, and come out on the other side with certainty. 

A cloudy day at the beach is still a day at the beach 

When you find that the people you have trusted the most, have, in fact, been the ones who have held you back, it is quite a wake up call. It really makes you question your own sanity. I have been told many times that it is amazing that I do not have a mental illness or worse. I am here to tell you: there are times I wished for the sweet release of death, but it has been denied to me. There have been times where I sought comfort in drugs and alcohol, but soon my body rebelled. As I look back on all the times I strayed off my path, I realize that it was always clear what I am to do. Now, at 47 years old, I am finally finding my tribe, and connecting with my Twin Flame, leaving all that which does not serve me behind. I do not wish harm to anyone, for everything that has happened to me has molded me into who I am today, and I would not trade that for anything. Those who are left behind will undoubtedly find their own version of happiness which does not include me, and that is the best part of this journey. Just because you are not on MY path, does not mean you are bad or wrong. |t just means our paths have diverged, and I wish you all the love and happiness you deserve. 

Be in love, be in your truth, and the rest will come. Find your flow and release expectations of what you think should happen; rather, allow it to come to you, and that is when the magic happens.