Today I'm not feeling so inspired. I had a 3 hour meditation class yesterday, and I watched "The Secret" again last night. I'm feeling positive about my ability to create things for myself, yet I'm doubting it at the same time. How is this even possible? I had a conversation with some of the neighbors last night, and there was a boy cleaning some windows at a house on the street. He was shirtless and hot, in a way that would make me almost wreck my car. The men outside noticed and asked me how old i thought he was. I thought for a minute and said, "Well, if I think he's hot, he's probably 23". They laughed and went on. But I feel this is a problem for me. For a long time, it was funny that dated only younger guys, BOYS, really, since it was popular to be a "cougar", and it was all in fun. I wasn't really looking for a long term relationship, after coming out of a difficult marriage. I had fun, they had fun, good deal, right? Lately, and especially after my last relationship, where he was 28, and not really sure what he wanted or where he was going, I have been asking myself if maybe it's time to make that shift. I need to date men my own age, but there is one basic problem: I'm not attracted to anyone over the age of 30. In the 5 years since my divorce, this has not happened. Dating a 28 year old seemed like a stretch for me, until someone pointed out to me that he LOOKS 21. WOW! I didn't even notice, but when it was pointed out to me, there it was. So, for now, I've decided to be single. And that's fine, but in the back of my mind, I wonder if I will be able to make that shift. Can we help who we are attracted to? Can we really shift that? Or is it just innate? I'm not sure, but of this I'm certain: I can NOT continue to date BOYS. So it goes.