It's 8 a.m. and the neghbor's dog is barking....AGAIN. I went to bed last night with the ringing in my ears, and woke up to the same sound. It makes me want to scream. After 10 years of dealing with this, and having the woman come over and assualt me verbally in front of my 6 year old child, I just have to give this up to a higher power. Lately, I have been asking myself, "What is my lesson here?" There is no logical solution, as I have called animal control countless times, and even been to mediation, where I was assured it would be dealt with.
I have realized this is a pattern, and it echoes a dynamic in my family situation, where they treat me in a very passive aggressive manner, and as soon as I set a boundary, I am "out of control" and "a problem." I have recently realized that this is also considered socipathic behavior, or "gas lighting." I moved as far away as I could to escape this dynamic, and guess what? It followed me, and now I have these neighbors who mirror the exact same situation. I created the same set of problems because I still attract that energy. I am a magnet for sociopathic behavior. NOT what I want!
Has this ever happened to you? Do you often wonder why you keep ending up with the same versions of a different relationship? Do you despair that there are "no good men/women out there?" It's all about energy, and what you are attracting. Other energetic beings (dogs, people, etc.) are attracted to what you are projecting, and you all enter into an agreement of sorts, to play these roles in each other's lives. If you can shift your perspective, and neutralize what you are putting out, you can change the entire dynamic. It's easy to blame others and play the role of victim, but this will never get you out of it. You have to change the way you process it in your mind.
In this case, it has been baby steps, but I am finally to the point where I am not scared of them. I have realized that they are just playing the role that I needed them to so that I could process how I am treated in my family. For a long time, I have been afraid of them, and sought their approval on some level. I am finally realizing that the only approval rating that matters, is my own. When I begin to love myself, these things just "magically" shift all around me. I am not scared to speak up and tell my story, because the threat of having no relationship with them is removed. I ALREADY have no relationship with them; even worse, the relationship causes me pain and drama continually, so why do I even want it? I have bent over backwards to gain their love and approval and been met with nothing but hostility and drama. I am saying ENOUGH. It is time to move into the space of truth and love. I am not angry; rather, I am loving myself and having compassion for them. I do not condone the behavior, but I also do not need to continue to participate in it. My behavior has not been in my truth, and that needs to stop. I can't keep reacting; rather, I have to disengage. And THAT is where I ultimately find my peace.
Your behavior has to stand alone. When you use other's bad behavior to measure your own, you know you are in a reactive state. Just because they created the drama doesn't mean you have to jump in. One of the most common ways we get sucked in, is defending ourselves. When you start to feel like you have to "prove they are wrong," you are buying a losing ticket. You will NEVER win that one. Believe in yourself and what others think is irrelevant.
If you would like help in moving the energy that is holding you hostage, reach out! I can help you. Email me for available times and special rates.