As weeks go, this one was a strange brew. With all the eclipse energies, as well as this journey I have embarked upon, which has thrown me some curve balls, I am feeling quite unsettled. I am finding that JUST when I think I have hit my stride, and am gathering some speed downhill, someone changes the track and I am suddenly in the middle of unfamiliarity and WAY out of my comfort zone. I am continually asking myself, "What would I normally do here?" and then do the opposite. It has been one of the hardest shifts I have had to make, in recent memory, but the results are starting to show my progress.
For so many years, I have been the "fun" person. I have been told that I am the person who you ALWAYS want to have at your party, because I can bring the fun. I am a storyteller, and always have loads of dramatic, hilarious stories to tell. Recently, my friend Bonnie told me, "You are interesting just being YOU! There is no need to create drama so that you can be interesting." Wow....that really rattled my cage. Is that what I have been doing? I began to watch my actions and question my decisions, and I realized that is at least partially true. For the last few days, I have been focusing on making choices which create the LEAST drama, and it has been boring, but I think I can find a balance in here somewhere.
In the past, when I felt drawn to someone, I would throw myself into the interaction with all my energy. I would be so desperate to be with the people that I wanted to be with, that I lost sight of what really worked, and what really didn't. I missed a lot of red flags and generally ended up in relationships where I was constantly working on myself, and arranging things so that the other person was comfortable and happy. I forgot how to make MYSELF happy, and compromised myself to the point where I didn't recognize myself at all. I am working on bringing in relationships where the other person is already whole, and we can meet in that space. It is a space where I can be myself, and never be told that I need to change something about myself, or stop being who I am, because it makes the other person uncomfortable. I am never again going to be in a situation where I feel I have to compromise what I REALLY want, to be with someone. I am ENOUGH just being my whole happy self.
As I continue my journey and learn many new things about myself, I realize, I have been attracting men who validated me in the spaces where I was not able to validate myself. So, what will happen when I am now able to fill in those spaces with my own energy? It is sure to be amazing, EPIC, even. Stay tuned and we shall see, my dear friends.