How many times have you been in a situation and even though you knew it wasn't a good idea, you went ahead with it anyway? How many people tried to tell you not to do it? And how many times did you beat yourself up when you kept making the same choice? This has happened to me many times, mostly in relationships. I know the person is not good for me, all my loved ones tell me the situation is bad, and yet, I still seem to need to walk the path. I end up hurt, and mad at myself. The most annoying advice in the world is: "Just don't do it!" To me, this is useless. I can choose not to do it, but I find that the universe finds ways to keep putting these situations in my face, until I learn the lesson.
Some time ago, I dated a man who was not good for me. He was basically unavailable, however; he was honest, and loving. This was a departure from all my other failed relationships, and so I explored it a little bit. All my friends told me to stop seeing him, and I tried, repeatedly, until he just laughed at me every time I tried to break up with him. This continued for three years, until, one day, I just realized that I wasn't interested in him anymore, and I stopped calling him, and stopped agreeing to see him. It wasn't until I really surrendered, that the lesson was complete. Sometimes, when you fight something, you create more resistance to it. My life has been a series of these things. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am pretty much going to do what I feel I need to do, regardless of your plan for my life.
I realized long ago, that pleasing others with my actions and decisions, has not worked out well for me. It isn't an angry space, but it's a space of loving myself. If you become angry because someone "doesn't listen" to your unsolicited advice, that is not about them, it is all about YOU. If you are searching for validation in other people's choices, and lives, then you have a much bigger issue that you need to address. I don't have the energy to run my life, and yours, and everyone else's. If you have the time, energy, and inclination to try to control other's lives, then you are clearly not dealing with your own life effectively. This is not to say that we can't help others, if asked, and if we do not have a personal agenda on the outcome. We have to let everyone figure out their own lives, because, otherwise, are we not insulting them, by assuming they can't deal with their own issues? Let's support each other in our truths instead of looking to validate our own doubts and insecurities by telling everyone else how to live.
Knowledge that you should not do something, is very different than the wisdom to make a different choice. Knowing that you should not have that pint of ice cream, doing it anyway, and then feeling guilty afterwards, is a cycle that I see often. I always tell my friends, "If you are going to do something, enjoy it! If you aren't going to enjoy it, then why do it?" Otherwise, what's the point? Many of us are in this cycle with food, relationships, work, etc. We tell ourselves that we are "good people" and yet we are killing our inner light, by not really doing the things that make us happy and fulfilled. Of course, then, we need to give ourselves "treats" and this is usually in a food based form. What if your treat to yourself was to do something you really enjoy, with no care about what anyone else thinks you "should" be doing? "Oh, you're so irresponsible/lazy/selfish, you did ______ instead of ______ ......" The things that fulfill you and really nourish your soul are your TRUTHS. Live more in your truth and watch your life transform.
If we are constantly feeling as if we "have no choice" and "have to do this," where is the joy in life? Parents are especially susceptible to this trap. We are allowed to put ourselves first sometimes. Your kids will respect you for it, and they will follow your example. My kids will sometimes suggest that I take a few minutes "off the clock" because it makes me a happier mom. It is not "lazy" of me to go into my room and meditate, instead of making a 5 course dinner. It is nourishing my soul and taking care of myself so that I can take care of my kids better.
Do something every day that nourishes you, and watch your happiness meter rise! I would love to hear your stories, please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org . Love and blessings!