Week Four: Shattering patterns

This past week has been illuminating on many levels. I was able to recognize many patterns that have been destructive for me in the past, and, as with anything like that, shining the light on it, dissolves it in short order. I like to compare it to the sunlight, which acts as a natural bleach, just by shining it's beautiful light. 

The first pattern is an old one, which I have talked about in previous posts. It is the "healing men" pattern, but this week, it was all about me. Most of the time, when you are giving a healing, you are also GETTING a healing back. Many of us are working on that picture of "being nice," or "making others feel good." When we give this energy to others, it, in turn, makes us feel good about ourselves. You may wonder at this point, "So what? Isn't that what it is all about?" Well, yes and no. You see, when you give to others out of love, and do not NEED a healing back, that is beautiful and amazing. No matter what they do, or how they respond, it feels good. However; when you give to others and expect a thank you, or some kind of reply, and they do not give it to you, then you become resentful. This is the kind of giving that destroys you, and others. It is what we also call, "asking for a healing." 

A good example of this happened at work the other day. I have a co-worker, Judy, who is deep in the people pleasing rut, and she is one of the most unhappy and angry people I know. A customer came in, asking for a piece, and we were out. Judy went to the back, and brought one out, and handed it to the woman, saying, "Here, this is mine, and I was saving it for myself, but I will let you have it. " The customer took it, paid for it, and left. As soon as she walked out the door, Judy began her tirade. "I can't BELIEVE she didn't even say thank you! After I gave her MY OWN piece!" This went on all day. I finally said, "Well, I think it was very kind of you to give that to her. I don't think I would have done that. I am sure she will enjoy it." Judy finally calmed down, as I had given her the healing she needed in that situation, which, in turn, healed me, so I wouldn't have to listen to her complain all day. But I am ok with that! Awareness is key. 

Let the sun illuminate your path! 

The second pattern I have become aware of, is the cycle of me, having relationships with men, who have potential, but I fail to see where they actually ARE right now. I have known this pattern existed for me, and have worked on it some, but I found a new layer in the past couple of days. Sometimes I have to hit the excruciating pain in order to clear the layer, and I am going to set the intention that I no longer have to do that. BUT.....this time, I did. Jason and I have been talking pretty regularly, and calling it "friendship." It has, at times, been painful for me, but I realize that I am moving a lot of energy and clearing a lot of my own pictures. As I have said MANY times previously, it is NEVER about someone else. I am responsible for my own pain. Setting boundaries, and recognizing when a situation is no longer serving you, coming from a place of loving yourself, is also a healthy and necessary part of this process. 

Recently, I realized that Jason is not in a space to offer me anything, including friendship. He is too deep in his darkness right now. I am moving the energy differently, and at this point,  I just refuse to fall into it with him. I can't really be his "friend" when he is in that space, and he certainly cannot offer me the kind of friendship I want. As long as I am reaching for him, and bending over backwards to be there for him, he will take the healing, and likely never get out of this hole he has dug for himself.  My fear that he will find another woman to heal his pictures may come to fruition, but that is not a reason for me to stay in a situation that is no longer serving me, or him. No matter what he does, I am moving into a space of being happy, and finally starting to manifest the things I want for myself. If he can step up and be that guy, great. But, if he can't, that is also fine. The Universe will bring me what I am asking for. You cannot have a relationship with potential, no matter how great that potential may be. Allow people to be where they are, and release expectations. The things you are meant to have will come to you easily, with love.