As I surrender to the flow, I am finding a new peace, and I trust it. Trust has historically been such a difficult place for me. I was raised that to trust, is to be hurt, and so, I learned not to. Ironically, it probably created MORE pain for me, because if I had kept looking for a trustworthy adult to help me, I might have found it. But, I digress. The pain of this era was such a wonderful teacher, 45 years later, as I have finally found the place within myself that allows me to accept and enjoy love, without anxiety or expectations. The interesting part is, the love I see now is NOT the love I thought I saw previously. I have learned that the love we seek in others is the love we see in ourselves, meaning, if you have a sense of self loathing, or lack of respect for yourself, you will attract that over and over. One way to test how you feel about yourself is to watch how you treat yourself when you make a mistake. Do you talk trash to yourself, or do you accept your mistake as part of your humanness? If you are engaging in any kind of negative self talk, calling yourself names, etc, then you are attracting people who will mirror that for you.
Not too long ago, I came across an email account that I had forgotten about. I mean, seriously, how many gmail accounts does one person need? Anyway, when I opened up this account, there were 12 unread messages, and a few of them were from clients, asking about services. One of them was 3 months old. I felt myself starting in with, "Wow, Andrea, what an IDIOT you are......" But then, I realized what I was doing, and I stopped. This happened exactly as it was supposed to, and it is all in perfect divine flow. I relaxed, and then, I called the man who had emailed me all those months ago. We had a wonderful conversation, and I explained to him what happened, revealing my humanness, and he told me he felt encouraged that he isn't the only one who does things like that. My lack of judgment for myself, resulted in growth for him, as well as me. We met up the next day, and had a very thought provoking and healing session. We both left with smiles and good energies flowing. The ripples of good vibes continued throughout the day, and I spread the love all over the place. I had so much, it was overflowing!
We have so many opportunities in each day to lift ourselves up, or keep ourselves down. In the same way, we do this for others. Our choices and thought patterns are key indicators to what we will attract on any given day. Try this: for ONE day, resolve to take EVERYTHING that happens, and make it positive. Find the silver lining, no matter what. Depending on how deeply you are entrenched in it, it may be very challenging, and you will make mistakes......which is a perfect time to celebrate yourself instead of beating yourself up! My close friend likes to make fun of himself for being "human" and it is hilarious! "Silly humans, look at us!" When you shine the light of awareness on your darkness, the cockroaches scatter, ie, your thoughts will break up in the light.
Love yourself, however cliche that sounds, because you are wonderful! Enjoy being human, and embrace all of you, the shadows are only there because of the light that forms around them. It is all part of your beauty and the magnificent tapestry that is YOU <3